Plenty of Fish Anywhere But Art School – PART TWO

Yeah, I’m pretty hot with the internet boys…

So we learned recently that I am as single as a slice of American cheese.

I’ve tried at school, where there are literally no fish to catch. I’ve tried the reluctant city called New York. I guess all that was left for me to try was online dating.

You name it, I tried it. Well those within the price range of a college student… so the free ones. Plenty Of Fish, OkCupid, Tinder, etc. For about three years on and off. But let’s be honest… I’m looking for a great marlin in polluted waters. (How many fish references can I make in one post?)

I mean I do go out on the prowl once in a while…

The great stigma of online dating has disappeared over the past few years. Everyone and their mother use dating sites now… literally. “40 million Americans use online dating services; that’s about 40 percent of our entire U.S. single-people pool,” according to a Match.com article.

And within those 40 million Americans… there’s a whole ton of wasted time ahead of you.

“i want fuck your pussy )” So romantic…

I have received more vulgar messages than those looking for a loving relationship. And when I say vulgar, I mean fucking disgusting. Unfortunately, the college aged group of matches that these sites produce for me are typically these lovely humans only interested in sex. But what should I expect from a culture obsessed with hooking up?

Hook up culture isn’t a new idea. Sex is sex. And for some people, that’s enough. So it’s no wonder college dating is dying out. No one goes on actual dates anymore… It’s not just me I swear!

So online dating isn’t even dating anymore. With apps like Tinder or Grindr, someone looking for an actual date or some remnant of courtship is very unlikely to be found on the internet at my age.

“There was a time when being in a relationship seemed easier to accomplish. Perhaps this was during a time when online dating was less prevalent and people had less options getting in the way of commitment.”

This quote from an Elite Daily article, How Accepting The Hook-Up Culture Is Getting 20-Somethings Nowhere, comments upon exactly what I feel is wrong with my age group’s views of dating. An obsession with sex and an unwillingness to commit.

Basically, why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?

As I already revealed, sex is not my main interest when searching for a relationship. I mean hey, it is an interest… but no I don’t prowl the internet like a creep. Like a lot of the guys I get messages from…

“have fun thinking you’re pretty” “is that all you have going for you?” Some guys think this is a flirting tactic that works…

Amongst the useless yet entertaining experiences I have had on my journey through the world-wide web of dating, I have actually had a handful of successful experiences online. Even some relationships that have survived for some time.

These relationships remained mostly online due to my focus in school. And there’s nothing wrong with that in my book. With these relationships we texted constantly, had daily phone calls, and Skype dates. These relationships allowed us to get to know each other without sex getting in the way. Which is a great feat in today’s dating abyss.

But here’s some of the shit I learned in the rough waters…

1. Have a thick skin. You’re going to get some weird messages. Just be prepared and don’t let them get to you.

2. Online dating isn’t shameful. A ton of people I never expected have apps like Tinder. It’s normal! Don’t be ashamed!

3. Online dating isn’t scary. Everyone is a stranger whether you meet them online or in person. Don’t base your presumptions on Catfish. Just be smart and safe – tell a friend where you are, meet in public, don’t go to their house, USE YOUR BRAIN.

4. Be yourself. Just because there’s this glass and electronics between you and the person you’re talking to doesn’t mean you should be someone you’re not. If they don’t like you then you don’t need them.

5. Be brave. Just go for it! Don’t let fear hold you back in anything! College is for new experiences!

Plenty of Fish Anywhere But Art School – PART ONE

I’m pretty hot with the internet boys…

“You’re gonna date a ton in college!”

Yeah, let me tell you that didn’t happen…

That may be different in other schools but here at art school, there was no shot. The ratio at my school might as well be 300,000:1. (It’s actually 68% female.) Not to mention that some of those guys are off the market due to sexual orientation.

When first arriving at college, I don’t know if I really thought about relationships. I was disappointed by the lack of guys though. Whether that was because I get along better with guys or because I was looking for future dates. I remember all my friends pairing off very quickly, leaving me to have to search in the wilderness. While many of my friends have boyfriends back home. Many of my fellow peers are in long distance relationships with their high school romances. I can tell it’s very hard for them, so I guess I’m lucky I never kept any of mine.

So off I tried…

Finding a date in NYC is hard! How do people meet future romantic partners in this reluctant city? So let’s count the options I pass daily.

• Campus. We already discussed these lovely accommodations.
• The subway. Have you been on that thing? Screaming babies and homeless people are not the best of choices for my future husband. Oh, or that guy who always screams his phone number at me on my way home from work on the F train.
• The bar. It might be the bar we typically go to, but I know for sure there is no spouse waiting for me there. Plus, drunk guys… not cute.
• Trader Joes. Family men typically roam those aisles. Or those hipster, vegan men. Not knocking them, but not my type.
• My internship. I work in a rather large office with quite a few other companies. Most of the specimens there are in their early 30s I would guess.

The fact that I also look like a curvy 13-year-old probably doesn’t help my cause.

Here’s my boyfriend guys…

But the truth is, I’m a virgin. And I’m not in a hurry to throw that away. And quite disturbingly, this has greatly affected my dating experience in college. Yes, some guys find this out and decide I’m not worth the trouble.

Yes, this is very shocking. A 22-year-old senior in college who hasn’t had sex is so not normal. I am an outlier. A sexual outlier. And now that we are over the shock of this…

“According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the average age Americans lose their virginities (defined here as vaginal sexual intercourse) is 17.1 for both men and women. The CDC also reports that virgins make up 12.3 percent of females and 14.3 percent of males aged 20 to 24. That number drops below 5 percent for both male and female virgins aged 25 to 29

This is from an article by Jon Fortenbury called On “Late”-In-Life Virginity Loss.

In a society obsessed with sex how am I expected to compete with most women my age?

But let me explain myself. But don’t think the stereotypical “can’t get laid” or “super-religious” assumptions about me. This is my choice. I’m not waiting for marriage – because that’s the first question I always get asked. I’m simply waiting for a decent guy worth my time. Now accepting applications.

Or if I’m super lucky… I get asked if I’m a lesbian. Thank you to my Aunt Robin for asking me this on Thanksgiving this year.

So my choice is considered a stigma. Statistically, if you didn’t have sex in your teen years, you’re in the minority. I am the last single virgin in my friend group.

The worst part is, when I tell people, they don’t believe me. They are utterly shocked, much like I’m sure you are as well. I’m a very outspoken, comical, young woman. So having a personality apparently affects my choices below the belt.

My second boyfriend… and the derpiest face on record.

Every time I try to start a romantic relationship, there always comes the time when getting to know each other comes to our sexual pasts. Which I don’t have. And telling a guy this is terrifying.

We’re up late still talking and getting to know each other because that little spark is there. I’m lying in my bed with that dumb smile on my face until the topic I dread comes up. Then I drop the bomb and my heart stops. Sometimes it’s a flat-out deal breaker, sometimes they lie and say they’re not going anywhere. But usually they run. At full speed. In any direction but mine.

Our hyper sexual culture makes my choice of staying a virgin wrong. Unattractive. Think of the movies we’ve been watching since the 90s. Sex in high school is a necessity. The popular 1999 film American Pie suggests that losing your virginity “late” is your freshman year of college. Well I guess I’m screwed (pun not intended) according to those standards.

Liquid courage sometimes required.

So here’s what I learned in college:

1. Your body, your choice. You don’t need to follow the crowd when it comes to your morals.

2. Telling the truth weeds out the shitheads. Laying out your boundaries on the table can take candidates not worthy of your time out of your life.

3. Sex isn’t love. And I’m going to keep on waiting until they coexist.

4. Being single isn’t that bad. Yeah, it gets kind of lonely sometimes. But I have absolutely no added stress or distractions.

5. I came to college to learn. I didn’t go to college to enjoy ragers and casual sex. Consider what you really should be focusing on in school.