Linky Link Links

So let’s try something new!

I’ve compiled a list of helpful links, articles, lists, etc. to give you some unbiased help with college.

Getting In:

1. Admittedly

This website is a great starting place when you’re trying to figure out what school is best for you. They ask you about your scores and GPA, of course, but it also asks you a series of personality questions to help figure out what type of campus would fit you best. They also will tell you what schools are most likely to accept you based on your scores and grades. They’re a super friendly company and when you ask questions you’re actually speaking to real people. There’s also a super helpful forum that allows you to interact with high school students, college students, and alumni.

2. The Choice Blog

This blog, ran by The New York Times, has unfortunately been discontinued but everything on it is still quite helpful. They offer college checklists and reading lists as well as helpful advice about college. Their new blog, The Learning Network, is a little less about advice and more about increasing your knowledge of current events. Something our generation, myself included, should really get into.

3. Article – 9 essay writing tips to “wow” college admissions officers

As most sites and admissions counselors will tell you, you are not your test scores. Your essays are your chance to prove you worth and show your personality. This article is the perfect step by step process to writing your essay. It will remind you of the important things – like being yourself. With all the crap that goes with applying to colleges, at least with this guide you know that if a college doesn’t accept you then that’s not the right one for you.

4. Naviance

Now this isn’t a free service, but usually schools will pay for it so their students can use it. This site allows you to compare you grades and test scores to what schools are expecting. It can also show you how many peers from your school have applied over the past few years as well as if they got in and enrolled. It’s not my favorite site, but the test prep and resources are quite helpful. They also have some cool videos on their Vimeo.

5. Unigo

Input your scores and GPA and a few colleges you’re interested in and you’ll get a percentage rating of how likely you are to get into those colleges. You can also get help finding internships and jobs once college has started coming to an end. And because I’m a design student – it’s designed quite well.

If You’re Already In:

1. College Dieting: Fitness Blog

Okay, this definitely isn’t the most important link to give you guys, but you’ll need it. Over my years at college, I have definitely gained some weight, eaten a lot of crap, and been to the gym only a handful of times. This blog is dedicated to all of the college students battling their weight and hectic lifestyles. It’s friendly and casual. There’s recipes and tips about portion control. I wish I had it at the beginning of my college experience.

2. Study Hacks Blog

This blog is run by Cal Newport, an assistant professor at Georgetown University. The slogan of the blog, “Decoding Patterns of Success,” says a lot about how he wants to help students to develop effective study habits. He will directly answer student’s questions and give advice on note taking and organization. The goal is to guide you through college life and help you get the grades you want.

3. College Info Geek

His about page says it all:

This is not your typical college blog. You won’t find articles with 10 Tips to Win at Beer Pong or 6 Ways to Hack Your Laundry. 

That bite-size, regular, boring content has already been written hundreds of times on other blogs. I’m not interested in it.

This blog is all about winning at college.

Here at College Info Geek, you’ll find in-depth, insanely useful articles covering the things you truly need to know in order to be a successful student.

4. 50 Tips for College Students – Psychology Today

This is the most honest list of tips I could find for you guys. Couldn’t be better if I wrote it myself. It’s blunt, straight to the point, and overall helpful.

5. Pinterest

Okay, I know this is stupid. But I used to be one of those people who refused to use it. It is now one of my most used tools. Specifically for DIY projects and home decorating ideas. There are huge lists about how to decorate your dorm! One of my favorite ideas is using painters tape and wall decoration. Who thought of that? This is also just a great casual outlet when you need a break.

Words of Wisdom:

1. BigFuture by The College Board

This link in particular is so inspirational. I hope you all read it and feel strong and know that you can do it. BigFuture in general is extremely inspirational. I would suggest you start here if you’re unsure of yourself for any reason.

2. Article – Relax. Getting into college has actually gotten easier.

If you don’t want to read the whole article, here’s what you need to know:

The longstanding advice from guidance counselors has been to choose a few target, reach, and safety schools when applying, but changes in the admissions landscape have made this a risky strategy. Students today need a modern approach if they want to take advantage of the new reality in college admissions.

First, make a portfolio. List at least 10 to 14 schools that would make you ecstatic and apply to them all; use early options where possible. The old advice will leave you at a disadvantage.

Second, don’t obsess. Don’t focus on just one dream school. You might not get in, but you will very likely get into one of your top choices. Remember that you can only go to one school.

Third, be yourself. Every school wants a diverse student body, and admissions officers are often looking for specific qualities. Sometimes a college just wants a lacrosse player from the South; if that’s not you, don’t waste your time pretending it is. Instead, go all in on your passion. You can’t be a perfect match for 14 different schools, but you can be your best you.

3. Article – 15 Inspiring TED Talks Every Freshman Must Watch

None of these videos have really anything to do with college. They’re simply inspirational and worth watching. They’re all about confidence and strength in failure. These videos will get you mentally prepared for college.

4. Article – 100 Inspirational Twitter Feeds for College Students

So we all have Twitter right? So let’s fill our feeds with something helpful and inspirational stuff and not just #lol.

5. Article – Inspirational Stories: How 5 Extraordinary People Beat All Odds to Graduate

If these magnificent people can graduate, you can too.

The College Disability

It’s been a little while since I talked about something personal, right? So let’s talk about what it’s like dealing with serious medical problems while at college.

My daily routine. Last thing I see when I go to sleep and first thing I see in the morning.

I’m sure by now my self-deprecating and sarcastic attitude has pretty much shown in a ton in previous posts. I think some of that may come from dealing with my medical issues. But hey, I wouldn’t be who I am without these problems I’ve had most of my life. So I just want to preface this with a request to not take me too seriously or perceive anything I say wrong…

I’m one of those “lucky” people who has a couple of diseases. Nothing too serious. Nothing life threatening. But it definitely affects my ability to handle school sometimes.

I have joked about my daily happy pills in past posts. So yes, I am on happy pills – Lexapro to be exact. After my first year of college, I had a really hard time adapting to being home for summer break. I was crying constantly and had no idea why. So I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

My happy pills work wonders but sometimes the stress of school can overcome the power of the pill (I’ve actually had to up my dosage over the years). And I am definitely not the only one who has this issue.

My school has a Health and Wellness center on the first floor of my dorm. They offer counseling and mild medical help for anxiety and depression. Across the hall is the Time Management Workshop room for help with handling your schedule. I’ve never had to use it, but I have friends who have and it has greatly helped them. If it’s bad enough they will even speak to your teachers for you.

When I first realized there was something wrong I did reach out to a teacher, though. She was my Psych teacher.

I’ll never forget this day… In class we were talking about depression and she casually asked if anyone suffered from it. I bravely was the only one to raise my hand. It quickly turned into a one on one conversation about coping with the new diagnosis.

The best thing she said and I still remind myself every day : “The pills don’t change you. They bring out the best part of you.”

So if you do or find out you’re having trouble managing you emotions after a semester of school, I don’t want you to worry.

The biggest thing I’ve learned in college is that there is no such thing as “don’t stress”. This applies to us people with a mild imbalance in our brains and the normal college student: instead of ignoring your stress, accept it and learn how to handle it. 

So that is my mental disability… I also have a physical disability.

I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis at a very young age. It has definitely taken its toll on my body. My joint in my ankle is almost completely destroyed.

The peony I got tattooed on my ankle to promote health.

Living in NYC, you walk everywhere. Which for me is a daunting task. Sometimes being late is an option I just have to accept when walking to class. Especially last year when I had to go up four flights of stairs directly after one of my studio classes. Being on your feet for three hours and then running up four flights of stairs is not very fun for my knees and ankle.

I have some amazing friends willing to roam the city with my frail legs.

But going to school I knew I had to mention my disability to someone. As much as it sucks… sometimes you need special treatment.

When signing up for dorm rooms every year, I had to talk to the one in charge of the whole thing to make sure I got put on the lowest floor possible. And to my surprise they were more than willing to accommodate me.

In high school it was expected that they would have to help me. It’s a public school – I have to go there. But they required a doctor’s note when I needed an extra set of books (One set to keep at home and one set to use at school so I didn’t have to carry them back and forth.) to keep the weight off of my failing joints or was having a bad day and couldn’t participate in gym class.

I got to college and they took my word for it. I always offer some sort of proof when asking for the accommodations but they never needed them.

It honestly felt like a type of acceptance. An absence of judgement.

Living with disabilities is almost easier in college than it ever was in the many years before.

Maybe this is because of the new found acceptance of the generation. Especially with depression, there is a generational normality. Or maybe the mental illness industry is medicalizing normality much like this article explains.

So if you’re worried about whatever problem you may have and don’t want to speak up, follow these tips:

1. There are resources to help you if you need them. You may feel embarrassed about it but there’s no reason to be. Take care of yourself.

2. College is about acceptance. It doesn’t matter what your disability is. College is such an open forum that lets people be who they are and express themselves.

3. You don’t have to be ashamed of your disabilities. There are more people like you than you think. If you need to take a break or ask for help then you should. People will understand.

4. Be yourself. Don’t try to hide your problems no matter what they are. Sharing can be such a relief and you may find someone to relate to.

5. You are not your disability. You are your personality and how you carry yourself. Don’t let your disability define you.

The College Glossary

I’m sure there’s been some things or abbreviations I’ve said in the past that have gone right over a head or two…

So here’s a list of some words or phrases everyone in college or heading to college may need to survive!

(And I’ll do my best to do this is alphabetical order and not be too sarcastic.)

Add/Drop – You can basically add another class of drop one you don’t like without a few weeks into the start of the semester without penalty. The length of the Add/Drop period varies at different schools. This time allows you to decide if the classes you’re taking are right for you.

Advisor – Your academic advisor is there to help you. They help you choose the correct courses, review the course requirements in the program you have chosen, and guide you with any academic problems you may encounter. Not every advisor is going to be helpful so don’t rely on them too much.

Course Numbers – Classes are identified by numbers. They usually contain 3 digits. Just like you see in the movies –  Freshman English might be 101. These usually seem unimportant but when you go to take a 700 course you’ll thank me. The first digit indicates the class year in which the subject is usually taken. So if you’re a freshman and take a 400 level course, that means it’s a senior level class.

Dean’s List – Your parents will love you if you can accomplish this! This is like Honor Roll in high school. Most schools award this with a GPA 3.4 or higher. And higher than that is President’s List!

FAFSA – It stands for Free Application for Federal Student Aid. It is a federal application that must be completed to receive all federal and financial aid. The forms can be completed online at www.fafsa.ed.gov. If you’re lucky, your parents will take care of this like mine did.

Financial Aid – This can be awarded from stuff like grants, scholarships, and loans. This money can be used towards paying for college. Just be warned that most Financial Aid offices are extremely frustrating and may be of no help to you at all.

Incomplete – This is no bueno. It will appear as an “I” in your grades. An instructor/professor may assign an incomplete when a student has not completed a major assignment or examination. Or what happened to me was that I had too many absences. But this is not set in stone. Course requirements can be completed within a mutually agreed upon timeframe by instructor and student by a specified time or the grade gets automatically changed to an “F”. Avoid at all costs!

Registrar – You will most likely never come in contact with this person. But they are responsible for the maintenance of all academic records. They basically own your soul.

Resident Advisor – Better known as RA. They can be your best friends or your worst enemy. They are around to ensure your safety for the most part. They want you to make friends and participate in activities and feel comfortable in the dorms. But if you do something you’re not supposed to… you are in deep shit.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten some…

But these are definitely the important ones! If you want to know about anything more than just ask!

Transitioning to Adulthood

I have been having the most difficult week, guys… In fact, I was having some serious issues deciding what to talk to you guys about this week. I am currently struggling with the stress of only having a few weeks left of my college career, the prospect of approaching finals, job interviews, and apartment hunting. All at the same time.

That’s only some of it…

So how do I handle this insane amount of stress? I honestly have no idea how I manage my stress. But I must be doing something right. Other than my daily dose of happy pills, I think there are some great things out there allowing some of these tasks to be slightly less daunting.

Google Calendar. My personal savior.

Let my first write an intimate love letter to Google…

To My Dearest Google, Thank you for your Calendar application for both my phone and computer. You keep my schedule on track singlehandedly. You allow my life so much organization. And thank you for Street View. You have probably saved me from a stabbing or two while planning apartment visits. And I don’t even need to mention the numerous searches I’ve done on your magnificent platform for homework and essays.

Continue to be awesome.

-S

I obviously use the Stickies App a ton

Another lovely little application I use is called Stickies. It’s like putting a sticky note on your laptop but without compromising the visibility of your screen. Basically you can make as many of these little squares and color code them to your liking. And the best part? You never lose them! They’re on your computer!

These two applications work magic in keeping my to-do list, apartment viewings, and job interviews in check!

Speaking of job interviews…

Yup this is what I’m looking for… Someone give me a job!

There are a TON of options when job searching! I literally put my resume out on so many platforms I can’t even remember their names. But Indeed has worked for me.

This site allows you to save your resume on the site and it basically applies to the jobs for you. With my busy schedule it is so nice to be able to just browse this site or the app on my phone and just press “Apply with Indeed Resume”. The other thing I really like about it is it doesn’t seem “serious”. The companies that use Indeed seem to have personalities. There is not a single dry listing on that site.

It couldn’t be any easier.

Our cut off is $3,000 and that’s not a lot of NYC

Now, my least favorite subject… APARTMENT HUNTING SUCKS!!!

This weekend my roommates and I are going to see at least five apartments. On top of the ones we have already viewed. So maybe we’ll be up to like 10 by Sunday night?

Dude, that’s a lot.

Having a budget has been so helpful though. I can’t imagine falling in love with an apartment and then being like, “Oh hey, I have no money!” I mean that’s pretty much happening now but with a budget. But Zillow really helps with our priorities. You can search based on price and neighborhood! Not just how many beds and baths you prefer in your NYC closet sized apartment.

Another great site we’ve used is Naked Apartments. There are always multiple realtors to contact for each listing. You definitely get a quicker response on this site than any of the others.

Just don’t wait to long to actually decide on an apartment or you’ll lose it!

So what have I learned this week?

1. Remain calm. The world may be falling down around you but everything really will work out in the end.

2. Get some sleep. The stress is not going to let you but your body is going to beg for it. Do everything you can to keep a normal(ish) sleep schedule.

3. The internet has all the answers. You can Google anything! And sometimes getting some stuff out of your brain and in front of your face can give some relief.

4. Apps can save you life. Yes, I know you have that Kim Kardashian game and Facebook. But there are so many helpful apps out there worth downloading. And they’re free!

5. Friends make things easier. As I always talk about, having a strong support system will keep you more sane than you could every imagine.

The Secret Life of an RA

When you get to college, you are greeted by a bunch of people maybe a year or two ahead of you that may appear to be like your camp counselors. They are Resident Advisors. They are students employed by Residential Life to maintain order in the dorms. But what do RAs actually do? Well to find out, I interviewed one!

 Kai is a 19 year old sophomore writing major at our college. She hails from Charlotte, North Carolina but is a Jersey Girl at heart which is probably why we get along so well! She also has a blog about living in college!

Me :

So what made you want to be an RA? Was it the benefits? You get free housing and hourly wage, right?

K :

Well to be honest, the monetary benefit. It’s a huge asset as it relates to paying for school and if I didn’t get the position, I’m not sure i’d still be at school right now. It really helps in that aspect. I also wanted to find a job that allowed me flexibility and worked well with my classes which Residential Life is really good about.

Each RA , at least at our school, makes a stipend. We get paid every two weeks. The amount goes up if you return the next year and gets even higher if you decide to go to be an RD (resident directer). We also get free housing and a meal plan! Soooooooo worth it!

Me :

How many residents are you in charge of? Do you know all of them?

K :

I have 63 residents on my floor. It’s a ton of people to remember!

Some I know better than others but at the beginning of the year we’re given something along the lines of a contact sheet. It has names, birthdays, majors, etc. So I know a little bit about all my residents.

Me : 

So what’s the interview process like? Would you say it was hard to get it or you were just yourself?

K :

There are two sets of interviews that the candidates need to go through. After the preliminary written applications are turned in, applicants sign up for interview times that last for one hour each. You interview with two sets of two different people. Each set has a current RA and an RD (Residential Director)/pro staff member conducting the interview.

Each set asks a different group of questions. None of the questions are situational like, “If you caught a resident doing this, how would you resolve the situation?” Instead, they’re more like, “In your eyes, what makes a good RA?” And “what assets do you have that can best contribute to the residence hall you’ve applied for?” Stuff like that.

I guess they’re pretty lax and casual. Nothing hard hitting. Mostly opinionated. I was just myself throughout the process. It wasn’t too nerve wracking for me and the people who interviewed me weren’t threatening at all. Really nice and down to earth.

When I interviewing candidates this year, though, I was like “Wow, those are some really good answers. I would’ve never thought of saying that last year!” [Laughter]

Me :

Do you think that they did a good job of picking the people you work with?

I mean picking you was obviously correct [laughter] but they don’t seem to really test your personality, just your ability to know the answers to the questions they’re asking…

K :

Yeah, I know what you mean.

As far as I can tell, my staff is really dedicated to the job. Definitely some more than others – those are the ones who usually go on to be RDs.

The main thing their really looking for in a staff is people who can be leaders. A lot of leadership-based questions are asked and if you answer them in a way that make you stand out among the rest, you’re basically in.

Me :

So what was training like? Did they make it fun like summer camp?

K : 

Training was extensive.

We come back from summer break August 5 and get right down to business! First it’s like 3 non-stop weeks of learning the ins and outs of RAing – duties, rounds, policies, how-to’s. All of that.

We also do this thing called BCD which is “behind closed doors” where the returning RAs create senarios and act as students in different compromising situations in the dorms for the new RAs who then have to open the door, see the scenario they’re being faced with, act as if they’re a real RA in this situation and do whatever they need to to fix it. The RDs walk around with them to make sure they’re addressing all of the issues in the proper way.

It’s kind of stressful but I’m excited for next year when I have the opportunity to just act out the scenes for the newbies.

And then we do a few days of “staff bonding” at a retreat which was held at a camp site in Jersey last year. We do all of these team building activities and have confessional nights. [Laughter] It gets pretty deep out there.

Me :

[Laughter] It sounds pretty deep! I was hoping you were gonna tell me you guys got to go do like go karts or something!

K : 

[Laughter] Not exactly.

We have weekend trips sometimes which is why I said it’s nonstop but after a full weekly schedule of learning policies and what not, I just wanna sleep on the weekends. Not go to the Botanical Gardens or whatever.

Me :

Do you feel like you ever get a break? I mean aren’t you technically always at the mercy of your floor?

K : 

Really, no.

We have meetings so often! Whether it be with the rest of the RA staff or with the RD.

We have meetings with the whole RA staff and then some with the RDs too. Not to mention floor meetings with our residents.

They always go sooo long and when I’m not in a meeting, I’m on duty so I’m stuck in the dorm with no escape. [Laughter]

But I think the up side of all of it is that I’ve gotten to meet like soooo many new and awesome people, both within my staff and on my floor, whom, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have gotten to know so well so it definitely has its up and downs.

Me :

So you’re not always on duty then? You do get some freedom sometimes?

K : 

During my down time, I still get Facebook messages about how to fill out a guest pass form or complaints from residents about messy roommates. [Laughter]

Me :

[Laughter] I feel you girl! What is free time?

So what do you do to relax and have fun then?

K : 

[Laughter] I watch a ton of movies with friends. Movie nights are big in my room because my nights are always so long.

I also just like to get out of the dorm and off campus since I see this place so much during the week. So weekend shopping trips kind of keep me sane.

Me :

So you didn’t mention drinking… I’d be stupid to assume just because you’re under 21 means you don’t drink… It’s college after all… But what’s it like being an underaged RA?

Have you had to yell at anyone for underaged drinking or anything like that?

I’ve been on your floor so i know they party! [Laughter]

Kai is quite young for an RA. She is probably one of the youngest in the building. She is the RA of the ninth floor of one of the upperclassman dorms. She admits with a laugh that she know’s she’s a baby amongst her residents.

K : 

[Laughter] Yessss girl! But I guess I’m more lax about it.

There are only a handful of sophomores on my floor and I obviously don’t know the ages of all 63 of my residents but heart. But I know most are older than me and I’ll be twenty soon.

As RAs, which a ton of people don’t know, we can’t do random room searches or checks. Every time we do inspections, they’re announced and each resident gets a notice on their door saying the date and time I’m coming to do health and safeties.

So if they’re underage and have tons of bottles lying around, that’s on them at that point.

I understand a lot of underage drinking goes on but I’m not the police, and I have no legal authority to tell anyone to stop doing what they’re doing.

I just have the right to tell them that what they’re doing is against the school’s policy and that I’ll have to write an incident report on it – which is really just a written document of “what I observed”. I don’t take any action further than that.

The incident report is later seen by prostaff and they take whatever action they feel is necessary. I’m basically just the messenger here.

Me : 

So you yourself don’t hand out the punishment?

K : 

Nope. And residents ask all the time “What’s gonna happen to me? Will my parents be contacted?” Stuff like that. And we really don’t even have the authority to answer those questions just because each process is different.

It depends on so many factors like: is this their first offense, did they get caught with illegal drugs, like weed, or was it just underage drinking, were they just in the room with the alcohol or were they drunk at the time? I just tell them that a member from pro staff (the RDs) will be in contact with them and not to worry too much about it.

Me :

Have you ever had any emergency situations you had to deal with?

K : 

Yeah. I think the biggest and most unexpected one happened last semester when one of my residents passed away.

I was on duty that night and the accident happened while I was doing office hours so I had no clue what was happening when a huge group of students gathered outside at the front of the building and then I saw security run outside and I knew something bad happened. My resident had fallen unconscious from her 9th floor balcony and was later rushed to the hospital and about an hour later, after she never woke up from unconsciousness, she was pronounced dead. I was told in person by a member of prostaff and the rest of the staff was informed in a mass email.

That was probably the toughest thing I’d ever had to deal with…like in life. And it made it even harder because we – the RAs – were told that we weren’t allowed to say anything to any students until the school made a public announcement and as I was mourning that night, I kept getting calls and texts and knocks on my door asking what had happened and if I knew if she was gonna be okay.

The week following, I conducted a lot of one on one grieving sessions, especially with the other girls she lived with. It was so tough putting on a professional face for something I was still so torn up about. It made me so much stronger as a person and as an RA and I think a lot of my residents feel more comfortable talking to me about the little things now that we’ve experienced that tragedy together. I still have the candle from her vigil sitting on my window ledge.

 So it seems being an RA can really have its pros and cons. I give Kai a ton of credit for being able to do this job. I could never be in her shoes. Especially after how our interview ended.

So this week I asked Kai to do my tips for you! So if you are considering an RA position – these tips are for you!

1. Never feel intimidated by the number of residents you have. At the end of the day, those are just (63) more people you get to call friend.

2. Never be afraid to speak out about issues. That’s the easiest way to be heard. As an RA you do have a slight authority. If you want to change something or plan something then speak up!

3. Be prepared to work your ass off. Being an RA is not an easy job. But know that there are tons of ways to make that work fun.

4. The residents you’re placed with becomes more like family. So if you feel like you’re going in it alone, you won’t be alone for long.

5. It’s okay to not know what the answers are. You’ll be surrounded by so many who have the answers and are willing to help. Just because you’re the RA doesn’t mean you are all knowing and everything need to rest on your shoulders.

A huge thank you to Kai for allowing me to interview her! And don’t forget to check out her blog to learn how to save money in college!

College vs. Friends

This post can be found published on a website for college students called Admitopia. Check it out here!

If time travel were possible, we could take a trip back to the year 2011 to my senior year of high school. I had a great group of some really amazing friends. Every Friday we would see a movie or go get some food or whatever our little teenaged hearts desired. Limited to of course what cool high school aged humans could do with limited funds and when our parents would let us borrow a car.

Now, this wasn’t very long ago. But a lot has changed in the four years I have been in college. Including my friends. Everyone knows that when you go to college, it’s very out with the old and in with the new! But no one tells you the same will happen with your friendships…

I would guess that I am still close with maybe a handful of the people I thought I would always be friends with. You know, the people you see standing next to you at your imaginary wedding. And to me that is quite terrifying. By definition, a friend is supposed to be “a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.”

one of the friends i have kept since high school

So how have the ties that once seemed made of steel be so easily severed? Where did those feelings of affection run off to?

Unfortunately, it was as simple as going away to school that made some of my friends disappear. Okay, they didn’t disappear, they just became less available. As I’m sure I’m guilty of as well.

My first two years of college were spent in upstate New York, about five hours from my hometown in New Jersey. So distance obviously severed some friendships simply due to a lack of visibility and existence in each other’s lives. Skype calls began to slowly cease and only one time did friends visit my campus. Not being around meant out of sight, out of mind.

my roommates from upstate that are my roommates still

The more severe reason I lost relationships was due to new found freedom. Now, I am proud to say I never was very much into the party scene that the dorms of college life pretty much forced down your throat. Unfortunately, a lot of my friends did succumb to the thrills of sex, drugs, and alcohol. Because their lifestyle choices were not even close to the decisions I was making in school, I lost interest in them. So I guess I can take the blame for the loss of those friendships. But as someone who believes you go to school to gain an education and not learn how many shots it takes for you to get sick… I just lost interest in the stories some of my friends would tell me when we found time to hangout during breaks.

But the worst part was being told I was boring and should make time for parties.

Another problem that occurred with my old friendships was dating. Suddenly, someone told all of my friends at the same time to get into serious relationships. Apparently Cupid skipped me and made me the third wheel with all my friends. So I stopped getting included in things. It has even gotten to the point where my couple friends will go to New York City, where I now live and go to school, and won’t even mention being in the area.

But I don’t regret losing all these friendships. Which is the scariest surprise of all.

Out with the old and in with the new… I have gained strong, loving friendships over the last four years. Some, much like my high school friendships, have already faded away. But others I could never live without. Yes, I know I said the same thing is high school. But this is so different. It’s hard to explain how different it actually is unless you have lived it.

Whether you want to believe it or not, you figure out who you are in college. You are not Peter Pan – you grow up. You find out what’s important to you and how you want to spend the rest of your life. And most importantly, you find out the kind of people you need in your life and you surround yourself with them. And if you’re like me, you’ll weed out the ones holding you back.

some friends are worth traveling to visit too

Now, as I prepare for graduation, I am apartment hunting in NYC with some of my closest friends. One I have roomed with since sophomore year and she makes sure I’m taken care of and that I’m doing my work. Another I can always count on for a serious, understanding talk on pretty much any topic. And lastly, my friend that always makes sure I take breaks from the real world and keeps me sane. I have learned that these are the type of people I value and need in my life. They contain some traits that my high school friends could not possess if it came in pill form.

So whether it be different interests or distance or whatever lies in between, if and when you start to lose touch with people, I hope you understand it’s not all bad. What I want you to take from my experience is that, yes, losing your friends completely sucks. But in the unknown world of college life, new friendships await. And they could be just what you need.

Only Child Syndrome?

Let’s take a trip to 2011.

In my small, split level home, if you looked through the glass windows on either side of the front door you might see a wide range of screaming or crying shattered by the mosaic glass.

One time I still remember vividly… I locked myself in the bathroom like the dramatic teenager I’m sure I was. I slid down the wall as my mother screamed at me from the other side. It was quite the scene. And I have no memory of what it was about.

But I remember the lack of love I felt during those times. My parents and I might as well have hated each other in my last year of high school. Getting accepted to a college five hours away from home was a blessing. A godsend. Saying goodbye at my dorm was brief and unemotional. We couldn’t wait to be rid of each other.

Our Holiday picture from my junior year.

Now flash forward to my junior year. I’ve automatically transferred to Brooklyn. Only an hour from home now.

I’m standing in the parking lot outside the converted apartment building next to the family car. I’m crying. Not bawling, dead pet crying. Just tears tricking down my cheeks. I’m trying to say goodbye to my parents as the summer comes to an end.

My dad gives me a quick hug and retreats to the car. My mom quickly takes over and begs me not to cry. After one of the longest hugs I’ve ever had with my mom since I was in footy pjs carrying around my stuffed Barney. I go back around to the driver’s side and open my dad’s car door. I’ve only seen my dad cry once at a funeral. So the fact that my dad was avoiding a real hug and goodbye so he wouldn’t cry means more to me than I can explain. Even in a public parking lot, this is one of my favorite memories of my dad.

So what changed?

I have no idea.

Over my four years at college things just seemed to get better. It’s that simple and that complicated.

Things began to feel less like it was a must and more like a want. My parents brought me groceries because they wanted to see me not because it was a parental duty to take care of their spawn. They actually came to visit me for no reason sometimes!

But I am the first and only child they had to do college type things with.

I’m an only child. So I’ve always been the good child and the bad child. The one who got the good grades in school and the one who messed up in History. So I was also the only one who got attention and not in a good way.

Yeah… that’s baby Stacy with her mom on a motorcycle.

I have what some might call Only Child Syndrome.

“A terrible disease that typically effects only-children, but can occasionally strike people with siblings. It may also affect children whose parents divorce. Symptoms include: playing mind games with members of the opposite sex, a crippling desire for instant gratification, the inability to compromise or share, and a total disregard for anyones thoughts or feelings but their own.”

Described by the ever hilarious, Urban Dictionary.

But the biased and hilarious misconceptions don’t know our side of the story. And how difficult it can be.

In college, I found you need a serious support system. As an only child, my parents have always been that for me. Even as a baby. I never had to fight for their love and attention. But sometimes it’s also a bit too much. I can’t tell you how many times I tell my mom to leave me alone when she starts passing her anxiety onto me about my homework.

Which she did A LOT when I was still living at home in high school. Trapped in it.

It’s quite possible that “escaping” from home saved our relationship.

Mommy & Daddy visit Brooklyn Brewery right before my birthday.

Leaving home allowed distance. Emotionally, not just physically.

Today, I’m thrilled to be near home. I’m ecstatic that my parents come visit me rather regularly. I’m overjoyed that I am welcomed with open arms into my family home even after graduation.

I take NJ Transit home at least once a month. My daddy picks me up from the train with a big smile (I’m a total daddy’s girl). My mom makes me the foods I love so she can feed me when I get home.

Now is this because I’m an only child? Does this happen with all kids going off to school? I wish I could answer this for you… All I can do is tell you that if you’re in high school right now and you have difficulties with your parents, it could get better.

And It’s not just the distance that helps. Whether you want to believe me or not, you’re going to grow up in college. You are preparing to support yourself in college. That’s what college is. Practice for the real world. I know… EW ADULTHOOD!

Daddy’s girl

So this week I’m not going to give you my usual 5 tips. Every single family is different. I can’t guarantee you things are going to get better for you if you are going through what I did.

But you know what I learned in college? That I love my mom and dad and that I am beyond grateful to have them.

BONUS PICTURE:

Baby Stacy

Plenty of Fish Anywhere But Art School – PART TWO

Yeah, I’m pretty hot with the internet boys…

So we learned recently that I am as single as a slice of American cheese.

I’ve tried at school, where there are literally no fish to catch. I’ve tried the reluctant city called New York. I guess all that was left for me to try was online dating.

You name it, I tried it. Well those within the price range of a college student… so the free ones. Plenty Of Fish, OkCupid, Tinder, etc. For about three years on and off. But let’s be honest… I’m looking for a great marlin in polluted waters. (How many fish references can I make in one post?)

I mean I do go out on the prowl once in a while…

The great stigma of online dating has disappeared over the past few years. Everyone and their mother use dating sites now… literally. “40 million Americans use online dating services; that’s about 40 percent of our entire U.S. single-people pool,” according to a Match.com article.

And within those 40 million Americans… there’s a whole ton of wasted time ahead of you.

“i want fuck your pussy )” So romantic…

I have received more vulgar messages than those looking for a loving relationship. And when I say vulgar, I mean fucking disgusting. Unfortunately, the college aged group of matches that these sites produce for me are typically these lovely humans only interested in sex. But what should I expect from a culture obsessed with hooking up?

Hook up culture isn’t a new idea. Sex is sex. And for some people, that’s enough. So it’s no wonder college dating is dying out. No one goes on actual dates anymore… It’s not just me I swear!

So online dating isn’t even dating anymore. With apps like Tinder or Grindr, someone looking for an actual date or some remnant of courtship is very unlikely to be found on the internet at my age.

“There was a time when being in a relationship seemed easier to accomplish. Perhaps this was during a time when online dating was less prevalent and people had less options getting in the way of commitment.”

This quote from an Elite Daily article, How Accepting The Hook-Up Culture Is Getting 20-Somethings Nowhere, comments upon exactly what I feel is wrong with my age group’s views of dating. An obsession with sex and an unwillingness to commit.

Basically, why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?

As I already revealed, sex is not my main interest when searching for a relationship. I mean hey, it is an interest… but no I don’t prowl the internet like a creep. Like a lot of the guys I get messages from…

“have fun thinking you’re pretty” “is that all you have going for you?” Some guys think this is a flirting tactic that works…

Amongst the useless yet entertaining experiences I have had on my journey through the world-wide web of dating, I have actually had a handful of successful experiences online. Even some relationships that have survived for some time.

These relationships remained mostly online due to my focus in school. And there’s nothing wrong with that in my book. With these relationships we texted constantly, had daily phone calls, and Skype dates. These relationships allowed us to get to know each other without sex getting in the way. Which is a great feat in today’s dating abyss.

But here’s some of the shit I learned in the rough waters…

1. Have a thick skin. You’re going to get some weird messages. Just be prepared and don’t let them get to you.

2. Online dating isn’t shameful. A ton of people I never expected have apps like Tinder. It’s normal! Don’t be ashamed!

3. Online dating isn’t scary. Everyone is a stranger whether you meet them online or in person. Don’t base your presumptions on Catfish. Just be smart and safe – tell a friend where you are, meet in public, don’t go to their house, USE YOUR BRAIN.

4. Be yourself. Just because there’s this glass and electronics between you and the person you’re talking to doesn’t mean you should be someone you’re not. If they don’t like you then you don’t need them.

5. Be brave. Just go for it! Don’t let fear hold you back in anything! College is for new experiences!

Plenty of Fish Anywhere But Art School – PART ONE

I’m pretty hot with the internet boys…

“You’re gonna date a ton in college!”

Yeah, let me tell you that didn’t happen…

That may be different in other schools but here at art school, there was no shot. The ratio at my school might as well be 300,000:1. (It’s actually 68% female.) Not to mention that some of those guys are off the market due to sexual orientation.

When first arriving at college, I don’t know if I really thought about relationships. I was disappointed by the lack of guys though. Whether that was because I get along better with guys or because I was looking for future dates. I remember all my friends pairing off very quickly, leaving me to have to search in the wilderness. While many of my friends have boyfriends back home. Many of my fellow peers are in long distance relationships with their high school romances. I can tell it’s very hard for them, so I guess I’m lucky I never kept any of mine.

So off I tried…

Finding a date in NYC is hard! How do people meet future romantic partners in this reluctant city? So let’s count the options I pass daily.

• Campus. We already discussed these lovely accommodations.
• The subway. Have you been on that thing? Screaming babies and homeless people are not the best of choices for my future husband. Oh, or that guy who always screams his phone number at me on my way home from work on the F train.
• The bar. It might be the bar we typically go to, but I know for sure there is no spouse waiting for me there. Plus, drunk guys… not cute.
• Trader Joes. Family men typically roam those aisles. Or those hipster, vegan men. Not knocking them, but not my type.
• My internship. I work in a rather large office with quite a few other companies. Most of the specimens there are in their early 30s I would guess.

The fact that I also look like a curvy 13-year-old probably doesn’t help my cause.

Here’s my boyfriend guys…

But the truth is, I’m a virgin. And I’m not in a hurry to throw that away. And quite disturbingly, this has greatly affected my dating experience in college. Yes, some guys find this out and decide I’m not worth the trouble.

Yes, this is very shocking. A 22-year-old senior in college who hasn’t had sex is so not normal. I am an outlier. A sexual outlier. And now that we are over the shock of this…

“According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the average age Americans lose their virginities (defined here as vaginal sexual intercourse) is 17.1 for both men and women. The CDC also reports that virgins make up 12.3 percent of females and 14.3 percent of males aged 20 to 24. That number drops below 5 percent for both male and female virgins aged 25 to 29

This is from an article by Jon Fortenbury called On “Late”-In-Life Virginity Loss.

In a society obsessed with sex how am I expected to compete with most women my age?

But let me explain myself. But don’t think the stereotypical “can’t get laid” or “super-religious” assumptions about me. This is my choice. I’m not waiting for marriage – because that’s the first question I always get asked. I’m simply waiting for a decent guy worth my time. Now accepting applications.

Or if I’m super lucky… I get asked if I’m a lesbian. Thank you to my Aunt Robin for asking me this on Thanksgiving this year.

So my choice is considered a stigma. Statistically, if you didn’t have sex in your teen years, you’re in the minority. I am the last single virgin in my friend group.

The worst part is, when I tell people, they don’t believe me. They are utterly shocked, much like I’m sure you are as well. I’m a very outspoken, comical, young woman. So having a personality apparently affects my choices below the belt.

My second boyfriend… and the derpiest face on record.

Every time I try to start a romantic relationship, there always comes the time when getting to know each other comes to our sexual pasts. Which I don’t have. And telling a guy this is terrifying.

We’re up late still talking and getting to know each other because that little spark is there. I’m lying in my bed with that dumb smile on my face until the topic I dread comes up. Then I drop the bomb and my heart stops. Sometimes it’s a flat-out deal breaker, sometimes they lie and say they’re not going anywhere. But usually they run. At full speed. In any direction but mine.

Our hyper sexual culture makes my choice of staying a virgin wrong. Unattractive. Think of the movies we’ve been watching since the 90s. Sex in high school is a necessity. The popular 1999 film American Pie suggests that losing your virginity “late” is your freshman year of college. Well I guess I’m screwed (pun not intended) according to those standards.

Liquid courage sometimes required.

So here’s what I learned in college:

1. Your body, your choice. You don’t need to follow the crowd when it comes to your morals.

2. Telling the truth weeds out the shitheads. Laying out your boundaries on the table can take candidates not worthy of your time out of your life.

3. Sex isn’t love. And I’m going to keep on waiting until they coexist.

4. Being single isn’t that bad. Yeah, it gets kind of lonely sometimes. But I have absolutely no added stress or distractions.

5. I came to college to learn. I didn’t go to college to enjoy ragers and casual sex. Consider what you really should be focusing on in school.

Surviving With Strangers

I’d be lying if i said some of this wasn’t mine

Let’s talk about probably one of the scariest parts of college. Roommates.

Okay, maybe it really isn’t all that scary. But just like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re gonna get.

Over the four years I have been in college, I have had a total of 9 different roommates. Some I have kept, others didn’t last long. Either way, that’s a lot of people. And it is definitely not like living with a sibling. You may think that you are prepared because your sister and you shared a room all your life or you constantly had to deal with your brother’s smelly sneakers all over the house. You are in for the shock of your life.

Most freshman face the dreaded closet sized room. Two carbon copy beds, two carbon copy desks, and a closet if you’re lucky. Oh and of course the most luxurious of bathroom accommodations, the shared bathroom in the hallway… Luckily for me, I went to a tiny school my freshman and sophomore year where housing was unbelievably amazing. I lived in this beautiful old house that was once a small hotel. Walking through the front door, you were greeted by an antique mosaic that said The Marshall. But we knew it as Cottage. My room held four girls. Two bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, and even a living room. I guess we can call it a suite. Basically, the best college living space you could ever dream of. But this doesn’t mean I had a great time living there.

This is the kitchen. It was bigger than most freshman bedrooms.

My first semester of freshman year, my three roommates cornered me one night with notecards. They had decided I was a terrible roommate. They brought me to tears. I tried to escape to my bedroom where I was literally cornered between my bed and dresser. They did not care that about the tears streaming down my face.

Now I completely understand that this is from my point of view so I am biased in this story, but I was not the bad roommate. Two of my three roommates were constantly drinking and smoking pot in our room. It was a dry campus.

I think the best story to prove my innocence is the time one of my roommates got so drunk she locked herself in our bathroom. It was late, I wanted to go to sleep. I just wanted to brush my teeth. Sleep and me are in a very serious relationship. Don’t screw with my sleep. So yeah, I was completely pissed. I started yelling at some point at Drunk #1 to get out of the bathroom. Cue Drunk #2. Drunk #2 starts yelling at me because “She’s sick!” She was not sick. She was drunk. The whole situation was quite out of hand and luckily for me, they both dropped out after the first semester. I was rewarded with my own bedroom.

Now I’m not saying any of this to scare you. It’s really not all that scary. But it sure isn’t fun.

Learning to live with someone is hard. Your patience will definitely be tested. The most difficult thing I’ve found is dealing with the itty bitty things that tick me off. Pet peeves will be the death of me, I swear. One of my roommates never clears the microwave timer. Another always leaves lights on. These are such minuscule things but honestly, they can ruin friendships.

The girls I live with now, 2 out of the 3 of them, I have lived with since my sophomore year. I share a bedroom with one and then the other two have their own rooms. By the way, our room doesn’t have a door. Apparently you have to pay more for doors in college. But my roommate is one of my closest friends. People will tell you that you’ll make life long friends in college. I think I did with this one but don’t tell her. It’ll be our secret, okay guys? She probably keeps me from killing most people. Including my other roommate sometimes.

This is where I was going with ruining friendships… Living with people can change things. One of my roommates I really enjoyed having as a friend until we started living together. Living with her and her annoying habits made me resent her… I wish it weren’t true but it is an unfortunate fact. Some days I get along so great with her and it makes me miss the great friendship we once had. It hurts that I feel this way about her. I have resorted to escaping my room, or more accurately escaping her, to my friend’s room upstairs. I physically put 7 floors between us.

She leaves her door open while she’s on the phone/skype/watching tv. She sings all the time everywhere. She sneaks like a burglar and peaks through our privacy curtain to see if we’re awake. Baby talk is what she resorts to when she thinks you are mad at her. She does things on purpose to gain attention. She drives me up the freaking wall. But I still love her dearly…

INSERT PICTURE OF MY TERRIBLY DIRTY ROOM

Yeah, sorry that’s not going to happen… Like it’s super bad… But granted I do have other priorities. Don’t tell my parents I said that because they’re coming to visit this weekend and my head will be removed from my shoulders.

Okay fine, here’s a peek at my mess of a desk…

Now let’s discuss cleaning…

When you arrive at your dorm room – CLEAN EVERYTHING. The janitors and staff do not clean the rooms. You will be living in whatever filth the college student before you left. Let me tell you, you may think you’re going to be the cleanest person ever (or get one for a roommate) but you won’t.

Just remember that this isn’t going to be like living with mommy and daddy. I’m still learning that. I still rarely do my dishes or laundry. You’re going to have higher priorities like drinking and meeting boys. TOTALLY KIDDING. But you will have homework, class, sleep, some sort of a social life. I still only view my room as a place to sleep. I mean that’s what it is… I have the right side of the room as “my space”. Blue and purple themed bed with a messy desk covered in various art supplies, my laptop, and extra monitor right next to it. I also have my pet fish, Fanta, for company and my real baby, my Xbox.

It’s not home, but you can certainly make it like one.

So here are some tips people may not tell you when you google “college tips” :

1. Label your food. This isn’t to protect it from being stolen by your roommates like most misconceptions you hear about college. Sometimes it just gets confusing with a fridge full of food.

2. Open communication. You don’t want to have all these passive aggressive feelings towards your roommates. Try to talk about stuff as much as you can. And NEVER use sticky notes as a form of communication.

3. Stay organized. I mean this with cleaning and homework in mind. Before you know it these things will go out the window. Writing down your homework and knowing when you have the time to do it will greatly increase your success. And taking 10 minutes to tidy up once a week really helps (I tried this out with my roommate before my parents came for a visit and the place looked pretty good).

4. Call your parents. Yes, call them. When I started college we were glad to be away from each other. But now I can’t wait to go home or have them come visit. Love them. Plus they will bring you food.

5. Take care of yourself. Know your limits and your values. Don’t give into peer pressure to get the “college experience” Be who you are. Also, drink lots of tea and take the time you need to remain sane.